DANIEL: Hey there! Don’t tell me you were expecting this story to be told from Nadia’s point of view alone; I’m part of it too. Just so you know, I’m the guy who sat next to Nadia, and equally the guy who was first to be blast by her thunderous fart. I should have minded my own business. Till today, she blames me for making her laugh nervously. Was it really my fault? I was only trying to help.
My father died when I was just 8 years old. I was extremely devastated, not just by his death, but because there was no one to defend my nonchalant attitude. I was left alone with my strict mum. My family had succeeded in setting up a massive plaza which was patronized by both locals and foreigners. This company was inherited from generation to generation. Luckily for me, I was the only son; without much deliberation, I knew I was next in line for an inheritance. But there was just one fact: I hate cooking. I believe it’s a woman’s job. I’m a man for God’s sake! But my mum wouldn’t agree.
"How can you tell if a food tastes good or bad if you don’t know how to cook?" She always slapped this question on my face each time I tried to defend my right.
And so, she enrolled me in SERENA FOODIES with a strict warning to keep my identity hidden from the public eye. No one must know that I am the son of ‘The Kayode's Kitchen’ else I would be given special treatment.
I had my own plans though; there’s no way I would stay in this dunk house for so long. I miss my friends. I miss the clubbing, the beer and the girls. I’m just not ready to be a man, but that woman wouldn't listen!
I saw Nadia approaching the hall, God! She was a beauty to behold. A tall sexy damsel, her lips full and juicy. Her hips were so visible as she hurried into the hall. She was so well shaped, with her American pointed nose. There and there, I swore to have her on my bed before I made plans to escape from this prison, except that I never imagined she would blast me with a fart. Seriously, I need to confess... For a minute or two, I couldn't remember my present position; the stench could tell that she had eaten way too much. Just as I was about to scream with the crowd, a thought came to my mind.
NADIA: You know that awkward moment when you feel like vanishing into thin air but you can’t? I shut my eyes and wished I could melt like ice. Immediately the devil broke free from my ass, it didn't even hesitate - it went to work immediately.
At first, it overtook the center roll, and then travelled to the very end. A slow uproar was created, with different complains;
"Who did this now? Gosh!"
“The ajebo girls!”
"Wetin be dis, who mess here...?"
“The ajekpako ones...”
The woman on the podium had to complain when she noticed the attention of the hall was being divided, until the devil got to her, and made her confused. She left the podium and promised to be back in a few minutes time.
Curses arose from different angles...
"Na God go punish that person, e yansh go block."
Silently in my mind I was just pleading, “God forbid!”
I actually thought no one except the guy on my left knew I was the source of the confusion until the guy on my right hand side planned to expose me.
"Why did you do this? Even with all these beauty, why did you choose to disgrace yourself like this?” he said.
On a normal day, I would have slapped a tooth off his mouth, but I was guilty as charged. I refused to open my eyes. He was just about to expose me when the guy on my left tapped him and extended a bundle of cash to keep him quiet.
With my head still bowed, I turned to spy at him. He had a smile on his face; just by a look, I knew this one was just a total pervert.
"Hi, I am Daniel... and I just saved your ass."
That's great, but was I supposed to say ‘Thank you’?
Continued on next page...
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